The Uniform

Up until very recently, I was the antithesis of a uniform dresser. As an art school kid, it was always about looking as funky as possible and amassing as many unique items as it took to set me apart. And after graduating, this habit didn’t change. I looked at my wardrobe as a way to keep up with the Jones’s so to speak, and used it as a way to compensate for something I’ve worked really hard to change. My weight.

By now you all are quite familiar with my Skinny Girl Problems, but for once I’d like to post about a Skinny Girl Perk. Now that my body is where I want it, I can dress in the way I’ve always wanted to, instead of in a way that caters to my insecurities. Despite my rock and roll tendencies, I’ve always known deep down that I’m kind of preppy. As a kid, I would ogle the Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger ads and imagine myself as that dancing  skinny girl in the GAP khaki commercials. Now, because of the work I put in, I can indulge all of that. It isn’t about finding something that comes in my size anymore. It’s about wearing things that make me feel like me. And what I’ve learned is I am the dancing girl in the GAP ad, but instead of khakis, I’m shaking my booty in ripped jeans.

So when it comes to “The Uniform,” try to buy a few good things that fit nice, work together, and most importantly compliment who you are, instead of defining it.  So below is my uniform, and in turn, the payoff for a lack off egg sandwiches, burgers, and pizza that only now seems worth it. Enjoy!



Skinny Girl Problems

The holidays are over and as I sit here pretending this Fiber One 80 calorie, chocolate cereal is chilaquiles, I can’t help but think of the days when baby had a little more back. This newly skinny girl has gotten her eating back in control, but boy oh boy it hasn’t been easy. My date for all the work and family parties was a big ole hunk of cheese and now I’m paying for it. A few stomach aches and a tad bit more badonk later, this eating lockdown is necessary and totally sucky. Once you get a taste of the dark side, joining up with Luke and Obi Wan isn’t as easy as it used to be. Here now for you, 2013’s first batch of skinny girl problems.


Going Veg- Let’s talk about wontons baby, let’s talk about tur-ur-key, let’s talk about all the good things and the meat things I can’t eat. My fling with vegetarianism started in high school. I was driving home from a shift at Panera Bread, listening to midnight Metallica on X103, when all of a sudden a flatbed truck carrying about ten million live chickens pulled up next to me. That was all it took. For the last bunch of years, I’ve been on and off the meat, but for the last 6 months, I’ve been pretty darn strict with it. This strigency is partly due to my soft spot for the am-nimals and partly due to the fact that Billie Joe Armstrong is a veg, but mostly due to how much my diet improves without meat. I feel light as a feather and eat a million times more produce. The only problem is…

I WANT TO EAT ALL THE BURGERS- Umami, Shake Shack, Corner Bistro, oh my! The things I would do for a burger right now would make my parents very un-proud. You meat-eating, non-dieters, don’t know how good you have it. I’m at the point where I want to throw in the towel and say eff it. They opened a Steak and Shake in NYC… Have I gone? NO. Why? Because I’m a stupid skinny girl now. This blows.

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I ruined pizza night- There I was last week crawling around on the floor with my nephews, when my sister suggested inviting over another kid and his mom for a pizza night. There were three parents, three kids, and one me. Out came the pizza menu for a classic midwest squares, not triangles, type of place, and I uttered the forbidden phrase, “Do they have any salads?” It was as if I had suggested serving hamburgers at a mosque. (Can’t stop thinking about burgers…) Everyone stared at me, and politely indulged my request, even though it was kind of a pain in the a-s-s. The salad I got ended up being a pile of spinach, a few strawberry slices, and the tiniest amount of feta cheese possible. OH AND IT COST NINE DOLLARS. It was a total ripoff, and totally not worth becoming the pizza night pariah. Lame.

I can’t be Lena Dunham’s body double anymore- I was all ready to dye my hair and everything, but the eight pounds overweight that she claims to be are eight pounds I don’t have anymore. And you never know, there may be a big roller skating scene on Girls where she needs a stand in cause maybe she can’t roller skate and I’ll be too skinny to be considered. This is clearly the biggest skinny girl problem of them all.

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Now it’s time for the necessary disclaimer that this is all (mostly) tongue in cheek. I’m loving my new skinny girl/healthy lifestyle and wouldn’t trade it for anything… except maybe losing eight more pounds. And a burger. Fingers crossed!

For more Skinny Girl Problems, click this link. I promise you won’t regret it.

PS- For the record, Lena Dunham has a hot bod. She is beautiful, and I’m not trying to imply otherwise. Hooray!

Skinny Girl Problems

Boy oh boy it’s been a while since I visited these, but the svelte-related-snafus keep on coming. It’s SO HARD being average. I just. can’t. deal. Here’s the latest installment of skinny girl problems. As always, they’re intended to be tongue in (gaunt) cheek. I have zero qualms with my newly reduced waistline and the license it gives me for sarcastic complaining. 

-So it used to be that my sock drawer contained one or two swim suits that rarely saw the light of day. Now, I barely have room for socks cause all my newly-purchased bikinis are hogging all the space. It’s a slippery slope people. I’m going broke buying these itty bitty pieces of fashion fun and now that the weather’s turning, they’re only useful when I run out of clean underwear. Someone needs to cut me off. Pronto.

-I just emerged from a one month stint of fun-employment and boy are my arms tired. Cause I worked out. A ton. I was at the gym every day Zumba-ing, kickboxing, pilates-ing, stepping, belly dancing, and participating in various other exercise classes that required me to let go of any intention of looking cool. That said, now that I look a little better in my stretch pants, people assume that I know what the crap I’m doing. Problem is, I don’t. As a former gymnast/cheerleader, I can hold my own, BUT all the UWS women and gents put me to shame.  Also, their confused and disappointed reactions to my inability to do a push up were no bueno. Made me wish I was a little chubbier just so they’d leave me alone.

-While taking a walk with my friend Ilana this week, I realized I have a touch of body dismorphia. After losing weight, there’s this thing of thinking you’re the size of a house when you’re really more of a reasonably-sized condo. Nobody ever sees %100 reality when they look in the mirror, but I feel like for those of us who have gone through body transformations every mirror might as well  have been lifted from a fun house. It’s like living in a P!nk music video 24/7… except you never know what size to get your checker print bodysuit in. And how are you gonna get the party started without an appropriately sized checker print bodysuit… Come on, people!

-And the hardest part about being a skinny girl is continuing to be a skinny girl. My lips hath not touched cheese in months and the only thing I do at ice cream parlors is window shop. And in the words of the great Seth Meyers…


I can’t even tell you what I’d do for a BLT right now… Oy.

I don’t think I’m on a diet anymore.

So I started this week with every intention to do the Special K diet. It seemed like no sweat… Protein bar for breakfast, shake with green salad for lunch, and whatever I wanted (within reason) for dinner. I didn’t quite stick to it, but I didn’t go apeshiz on a cheeseburger and fries either.

It’s been a while since I’ve talked about my skinny girl problems and my whole food and weight loss sitch. The brief  update is that I’m still losing lb’s and working hard to be healthy, however there’s obvi more to it than that.

Something happened yesterday that’s never happened to me before. To give some back story, my day started at 4am and I didn’t leave work until about 8pm. As I walked home from the subway, I felt hungrier than any wolf and ready for some serious grub action. This feeling caught me off guard until I realized I hadn’t eaten enough during my 16 hour day. Me not eating enough is like Kim Kardashian taking the day off from having her picture taken. It just doesn’t happen. The crazy didn’t stop there.

Instead of rectifying the day’s abnormality by hosting my own private food festival, I had a healthy dinner and an appropriately-sized helping of Sixteen Handles. And that was it. I didn’t go face deep in a bag of chips or take a walk to my block’s new Dunkin Donuts. I ate until I was satisfied, and that was that. Furthermore, making these choices wasn’t a hardship in the least. I didn’t go to bed counting cannolis and feeling wicked deprived.

Which might be why I didn’t go all the way with the Special K situation.  Over the course of the week it became clear that I didn’t need to. I don’t need to be on a diet anymore. The way I eat now is a lifestyle where the baseline is eating the right amount of food for my body and making the right choices so said amount of food is rich in nutrients and the things I need. The bestest part of this is it makes it okay once in a while to go to Kin Shop or eat the best pizza ever with Emily and Ariele.

After 28 years, I’ve kind of finally figured out this whole eating thing, and I’m proud to say my biggest Skinny Girl Problem is no longer how to stay skinny. And just so you know, I’m determined to do more than cross my fingers to make sure it stays this way. Thanks, Special K!


On a side note, something new in my non-diet world is this handy chart weight loss rock star Viktoria posted on her FB. I’ve kind of been living by it these days, and it’s making a big ole difference. Mangia!

Skinny Girl Problems

Okay. So. We’ve established I’m losing weight. Glad to have gotten that out of the way. Glad people don’t give me as much of a hard time over the vegan hot dogs I eat for lunch. We cool. Here’s some more skinny girl problems to add to the list.

-Meeting new people poses a challenge because everyone new to my life post-diet has only met this skinnier version of me. They don’t know about my potential to be mistaken for a brunette Mario Batali. They also don’t know about why I’m so ravenous all the time. They haven’t met the fat chick just DYING to come out and finish their lunch. It adds a lot of pressure to keep us this idea that I’m naturally a normal-sized person, but maybe that’s not the worse thing.

-I only take up one seat on the subway now.

-When I eat, my belly gets bigger. Full is not just a feeling anymore, it’s a condition that I can see with my eyes. So I’ll be having a great day where I’ve stayed on track diet-wise and then look down and see a vegan hot dog shaped lump on my tummy. Well, that’s not entirely true, but there’s definitely a noticeable change that does a good job of messing with my head.

-All my undies are too big. Uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. Why does the garment that uses the least amount of fabric have to cost so much money?

-I can’t enjoy Shake Shack, Stand, Corner Bistro, Bill’s or any of my other favorite burger places anymore. These kind of meals used to be my favorite, but now it’s a super stressful experience full of checks and balances. Is it worth getting a veggie burger or can I cheat and get the real thing… If I let myself get cheese, then I can’t get fries… Do I only get a milkshake and sacrifice eating any other food… It makes me tired just blogging about it.

As always, I want to remind you that I’m not actually complaining. These are merely my Seinfeld-esque observations on my weight loss journey. Skinny people don’t have it any harder than bigger folk, and I hope you’ll continue to support me as I keep this diet party going. Stay tuned for more skinny girl problems…