What the EFF, Girls?!

Just a little note from a disillusioned GIRLS fan.

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Eff yeah, television!

2013 has so far brought me a crazy-ass allergy attack, an all senses-numbing cold, and the stomach flu. Also, somewhere in there I threw out my back while blowing my nose. Sexy, right? Luckily my time under resulted in some major sweet abs and the watching of way too much television. And because I love you all so much, here for you now are some of the gems I found while I was laid up, curled up, and not fit for public viewing.

WARPED ROADIES (Fuse)

Warped Tour! Roadies! Behind the scenes action! All these things were promised in the millions of subway ads for Warped Roadies, and that is exactly what this kick ass Fuse reality show delivers.Viewers get to follow the crew that makes the punk rock summer institution possible and each episode covers a stop on their journey. Between the crazy storm in Toronto and the deathly heat in Vegas, this rag tag group of roadies have to fight tooth and nail to bring their emo kid audience together, while battling demons of their own. Each crew member has a checkered past that only enhances your desire for them to succeed. Also, the inside look into what it takes to make Warped Tour happen is beyond interesting. Little things like managing credentials, coordinating buses, and call times are like candy for my young producer brain. That said, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a spin off show all about stage manager Kenny, as I think his Warped Roadie experience is probs the most interesting of them all.

 

Vanderpump Rules (Bravo)

The fact that I love this show makes me worried on a deep psychiatric level. I don’t watch Housewives, I don’t know who Miss Vanderpump is, and I’m not fully convinced that any of the characters on the show worked at her restaurant Sur before filming. All that said, I was drawn into every single story line right out of the gate. There are no good guys on Vanderpump Rules, an hour-long “reality” show about a group of Maxim/GQ level hotties who spend their time working for a British lady at a Los Angeles restaurant, dating each other, and fighting when the dating doesn’t go well. It’s basically a real-life, almost R-rated version of mean girls, with Queen Bee Stassi as Regina George and Sur new-comer Scheana as Kady. Between the sequins they wear, everyone’s giant eyes, and the copious cutaways of technicolor cocktails, I wouldn’t be surprised if my infatuation with Vanderpump Rules is a result of visual hypnosis… Or maybe it just feels good to see how “the other side” lives. Either way, I’m going to keep watching.

 

GIRLS (HBO)

This one will surely be met by a collective DUH by all of you lovely readers, however I know that the reactions to this HBO comedy are very mixed. My reactions though, couldn’t be more steadfastly positive. This show is so well-written that they have conservative, Ann Taylor-wearing Marni carry a Blackberry. Every. Last. Detail. Is thought out and executed in the best way possible. I watch each episode twice just to catch them all. Hannah and co. are coming of age in a really authentic way full of bad choices, and I love how you spend a lot of time yelling “really” at the tv and being disappointed in them. That level of investment is a sign of good writing/acting/directing/producing/and every last part of Girls.  Based on the guest stars alone… Donald Glover, Miriam Tolan, John Glaser, et al, you can tell Lena has a respect for the comedy world that makes it realistic to assume she probably went to her fair share of 9:30 Asssscats. Probably getting in line at 6pm to do so. This respect makes Girls great, and she is only adding to the canon of what future Lena Dunhams will be watching.

In the end, I feel we are in a golden tv resurgence right now. There are SO MANY great shows, and I’ve never had so much to keep up with. Favs include 30 Rock, Mindy Project, New Normal, Top Chef, and New Girl, but it seems across the board, everyone’s bringing their A-Game. And hopefully, my health will follow suit.

Skinny Girl Problems

The holidays are over and as I sit here pretending this Fiber One 80 calorie, chocolate cereal is chilaquiles, I can’t help but think of the days when baby had a little more back. This newly skinny girl has gotten her eating back in control, but boy oh boy it hasn’t been easy. My date for all the work and family parties was a big ole hunk of cheese and now I’m paying for it. A few stomach aches and a tad bit more badonk later, this eating lockdown is necessary and totally sucky. Once you get a taste of the dark side, joining up with Luke and Obi Wan isn’t as easy as it used to be. Here now for you, 2013’s first batch of skinny girl problems.

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Going Veg- Let’s talk about wontons baby, let’s talk about tur-ur-key, let’s talk about all the good things and the meat things I can’t eat. My fling with vegetarianism started in high school. I was driving home from a shift at Panera Bread, listening to midnight Metallica on X103, when all of a sudden a flatbed truck carrying about ten million live chickens pulled up next to me. That was all it took. For the last bunch of years, I’ve been on and off the meat, but for the last 6 months, I’ve been pretty darn strict with it. This strigency is partly due to my soft spot for the am-nimals and partly due to the fact that Billie Joe Armstrong is a veg, but mostly due to how much my diet improves without meat. I feel light as a feather and eat a million times more produce. The only problem is…

I WANT TO EAT ALL THE BURGERS- Umami, Shake Shack, Corner Bistro, oh my! The things I would do for a burger right now would make my parents very un-proud. You meat-eating, non-dieters, don’t know how good you have it. I’m at the point where I want to throw in the towel and say eff it. They opened a Steak and Shake in NYC… Have I gone? NO. Why? Because I’m a stupid skinny girl now. This blows.

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I ruined pizza night- There I was last week crawling around on the floor with my nephews, when my sister suggested inviting over another kid and his mom for a pizza night. There were three parents, three kids, and one me. Out came the pizza menu for a classic midwest squares, not triangles, type of place, and I uttered the forbidden phrase, “Do they have any salads?” It was as if I had suggested serving hamburgers at a mosque. (Can’t stop thinking about burgers…) Everyone stared at me, and politely indulged my request, even though it was kind of a pain in the a-s-s. The salad I got ended up being a pile of spinach, a few strawberry slices, and the tiniest amount of feta cheese possible. OH AND IT COST NINE DOLLARS. It was a total ripoff, and totally not worth becoming the pizza night pariah. Lame.

I can’t be Lena Dunham’s body double anymore- I was all ready to dye my hair and everything, but the eight pounds overweight that she claims to be are eight pounds I don’t have anymore. And you never know, there may be a big roller skating scene on Girls where she needs a stand in cause maybe she can’t roller skate and I’ll be too skinny to be considered. This is clearly the biggest skinny girl problem of them all.

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Now it’s time for the necessary disclaimer that this is all (mostly) tongue in cheek. I’m loving my new skinny girl/healthy lifestyle and wouldn’t trade it for anything… except maybe losing eight more pounds. And a burger. Fingers crossed!

For more Skinny Girl Problems, click this link. I promise you won’t regret it.

PS- For the record, Lena Dunham has a hot bod. She is beautiful, and I’m not trying to imply otherwise. Hooray!

Two things I read today that made me tear up at my desk…

One was written by Anderson Cooper, the other Lena Dunham.

– I am blown away by the integrity and eloquence in which Cooper discusses being a journalist and his sexuality in this email.

Reading about Lena Dunham getting to spend time with her hero Nora Ephron moved me enough to take a break from scarfing down my hummus salad.

“Girls” got me thinking about boys.

So I’m a fan of HBO’s “Girls.” There, I said it. A lot of controversy is swirling around this half hour of television, and while I understand why that’s the case, I’ve chosen not to get involved in it. Until now.

There are a lot of really great critiques of “Girls” floating around that comment on its racial implications, the fairness of it being a show at all, and the fluctuating size of Lena Dunham’s behind. I don’t want to talk about any of that. What I do want to talk about is the character Adam, Hannah’s boyfriend. (Spoiler alert?)

Adam has made me think a lot about dating and the second tier position us ladies are put in when doing so. Guys are the prize. They can let themselves go in appearance and attitude, while we slave away to be the best versions of ourselves 24/7 so that they’ll find us attractive.

Sure, neck down Adam is admittedly quite hot, but that six pack comes with a person attached to it. A person who is off-putting, dirty, unemployed, mildly-abusive, non-committal, weird, and just all around not the best. And yet, Hannah spent three quarters of the season trying to go out with him. And sadly, I can relate. As I’m sure all the women reading this can also.

I’ve dated a lot of duds. Duds who I thought at the time were Ryan Gosling defined, despite glaring, obvious red flags as to why we’d never make out soaking wet in a rowboat. Why did I think this? Because they liked me back. The simple fact of a guy liking you has a magical ability to trump a fast food diet, lack of funds, or thinking a strip club is an appropriate place for a date. Cause if he thinks you look cute eating a Big Mac that he made you pay for, does it even matter?

I’m finally old enough to realize it does. Guys and girls alike deserve to be involved with people who don’t require concessions. And for once, I’m not talking about food.  You should be with someone who challenges and excites you in every way where you don’t have to look past much of anything. And most importantly, they should be equally challenged and excited by you.

I realize Hannah has bigger fish to fry, but I feel like she is using her relationship with Adam as an excuse to stay away from the fryer. She doesn’t seem to be super concerned about  getting a job, or not being able to pay rent, or her crumbling friendships because she has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who she seems more perplexed by than pleased. And she feels good about her life cause she has him.  What I wonder, though, is what would she have if she had someone better?

What would we all have?