A Dozen Jokes

Warning: Puns ahead.

***

A Wisconsin man says that he is suffering from a rare disease that causes him to have up to 100 orgasms a day. But the real victim is his washing machine.

Chinese officials conducted extensive body searches of the 10,000 doves used in this week’s National Day ceremony, including examining their feathers and anuses looking for dangerous materials. And that is what it sounds like when doves cry.

A trial is being held in New York State to have chimpanzees declared “persons” rather than “things.” Us first, said women.

A couple in Florida caught a 13-foot alligator entirely by hand. And they celebrated by doing more meth.

A man, whose flight from Cleveland to New York had been delayed for several hours, was surprised when he boarded and discovered that he was the only person on the plane. But that didn’t stop him from joining the mile high club.

Legal experts are concerned that lower law school admissions standards will produce graduates who cannot pass the bar exam. “I oobjoct!” argued recent graduates.

Australian officials revealed that they secretly killed hundreds of koalas to prevent overpopulation. Or as it will be referred to in the future: “The Koala-caust”.

According to reports Turkey’s tourism board rejected a new ad starring Julianne Moore due to what they call her “poor acting.” Instead, they’re asking for Julianne LESS.

According to a new survey 94 percent of Americans think the Japanese are hard-working people, and the rest think they’re Chinese.

CBS announced it is ending the series CSI after 15 years. Cause if there’s one thing CSI’s audience understands, it’s retirement.

US News and World Report has ranked Harvard as the top global university. In case they ran out of things to brag about.

A tractor trailer in Colorado loaded with 40,000 pounds of cheese split in half after crashing. Said the driver, “What are we gonna fondue?!”

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