Where jokes go to die

As the news cycle keeps spinning, it’s important to look back and pay homage to jokes that have passed. Grab a black veil, cut some eye holes in it, and get your reading on. I apologize if your co-workers look at you weird for laughing and wearing a weird veil.

 ***

Julia Pastrana, who lived in the 1800s and was dubbed “the ugliest woman in the world,” was finally buried this week in her native Mexico. And time hasn’t done her any favors.

A pastor is demanding that Tennessee wildlife officials return five venomous snakes they confiscated from him, saying that he uses them as part of his services. Prompting Mormons, Jehova’s Witnesses, and Scientologists to respond in unison, “Oh and we’re the weird ones?”

In an effort to save the endangered cheetah, some zoos are pairing up cheetah cubs with puppies to help teach the cats how to thrive while in captivity and make the internet explode.

TSA officials this week forced Kanye West and Kim Kardashian to be rescreened by security after a star-struck staff member at Kennedy Airport allowed them to bypass a security check point delaying the flight for an hour, which was spent going through all the junk in Kim’s trunk.

Florida police arrested a woman who broke into her ex-fiancé’s house and attacked his new girlfriend in bed. The man was shocked because he expected something different from his first threesome.

It was announced this week that two of the Great Lakes, Lake Huron and Lake Michigan, have reached their lowest levels ever recorded. The lakes are reportedly so low they’re watching Bravo’s “Vanderpump Rules.”

A couple in Connecticut that has been married for 80 years has been named the “longest married couple” in the US. When hearing the news, the wife was so excited she walked all the way to the basement to tell her husband.

An Oregon man has filed a lawsuit against an IRS agent claiming that he was coerced into having sex with her after she said she could help him avoid a penalty on his taxes. She claimed to be able to fix his problems with just one small deposit.

Ryan Gosling revealed this week that in the early 1990s he had a chance to be a part of the Backstreet Boys, but declined because he thought they would never be a success. “Who is laughing now?” Asked Backstreet Boy AJ McLean as he served hot dogs at the mall.

Security officials at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport were shocked to discover a mysterious package containing 18 severed human heads, which turned out to be misplaced medical samples. The discovery helped make strides in Chicago’s goal of becoming the new Florida.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s