Please join me as I send last week’s jokes to their final resting place. Laugh crying only please. 

Tennessee police this week shut down an illegal strip club that featured a live-sex show involving a pair of 400 pound dancers. One of their regular patrons claimed to be crushed. And he was sad about the club closing too.

Officials in East Hampton, New York have been searching for a large grey cougar that may be an escaped exotic pet. Though if I were looking for a large, grey cougar in East Hampton, I’d just go to the closest place that sells pinot grigio.

Florida police arrested a woman who allegedly attacked her ex-boyfriend with his own prosthetic leg. On why he didn’t change his locks sooner, the man says he is kicking himself. Literally.

On Wednesday owners of Lukoil gas stations in New Jersey and Pennsylvania, who are upset with unfair pricing practices by their parent company, protested by raising their prices for one day to 8 dollars a gallon. The worst part was it gave that one smug guy more reason to talk about his Prius.

A designer has developed a bicycle that is made entirely of cardboard and can carry a person weighing over 450 pounds. Until it rains.