Recently, I saw Silence of the Lambs for the first time and then I read about the guy in Florida, and now I can’t stop thinking about people eating other people’s faces. You guys, faces aren’t for eating!! Sure you use your face to eat non-human flesh things! But under no circumstances should it be the other way around.

Hannibal ate that cop’s face because he was a FICTIONAL character, but Mister Florida did it because he was maybe high on something called “bath salts.” What the eff are “bath salts? Am I going to need a prescription from now on to visit The Body Shop? How will I get my vanilla perfume?? I have a store credit there… will it go unused??

I love a zombie movie as much as the next Buffy-obsessed gal, however I can’t take that stuff happening in real life. I made a conscious decision not to watch season two of Walking Dead because it was too scary. Let’s keep cannibalism where it belongs. Let’s annex it to the movies, television, and deserted mountain tops where soccer teams have no other choice.

I’m done. I’m trying very hard to move my mind in another direction. Unfortunately at this very moment, that direction is to a cake that looks like a face. I still have some work to do.