It’s becoming clearer and clearer every day that maybe it’s time for Courtney Love to try something new. Her music career seems to be something of the past and the only noise she’s been making lately hasn’t made the most sense. Her latest hijinks include publicly professing Dave Grohl hit on her daughter leading Francis Bean to deny the claims and announce that “Twitter should ban my mother.”
Now, I believe in giving people second… third… thousandth chances in life and have compiled a list of jobs that I think Courtney would be really good at. Girl, let’s put you to work!
Ben and Jerry Flavor Tester- I feel like Courtney would have turned out a lot different if she wasn’t so hungry all the time. Girlfriend needs to eat more and her life might have been more under control if she chose food instead of drugs. Let’s hope that eating a ton of one of the most delicious things will both make her happy and satiate her desire for hunger-fueled destruction. Let’s also hope she’s not lactose intolerant.
Story Editor for Real Housewives- The antics and self-made trials of Courtney love make the Real Housewives look like a group of Mennonite nuns at book club. She could make good money laying out story lines and scripting the constantly brewing drama that makes these shows so wonderfully terrible.
Model for Before and After Pictures- Courtney can be a “before” model if the campaign is about self-improvement and an “after model” if it’s about things going down the crapper.
Soldier- Let’s drop Courtney in the middle of a bunch of terrorists and let her out-crazy them. It’s kind of like when someone tries to mug you, you’re supposed to overly freak out and flail and scream to the point of scaring them away. She can do that. And she’d also have the satisfaction of inciting world peace…
Queen Bee of a Middle School Mean Girls Clique– This would make Courtney feel really special. She’d have a flock of minions following her every move and waiting on her every word, which ultimately seems like what she wants out of life. The most important part is since she’d be Head Bitch in Charge, nobody would question her. Also, I chose middle school girls cause they’re still too young to look at Courtney as crazy town and would mostly just be scared.